Think wearing a jacket is easy? Think you can just “put one on?” You’re wrong. Jackets are tricky! What’s with those floppy tubes of fabric? Where do the buttons go? Shit is complicated. Think you can just wear a jacket with some jeans and call it a day? No way! You need the internet, the information superhighway. How would you figure this out without us? Here’s how you wear a jacket:
- Do place your arms in the jacket’s sleeves with the zipper or buttons aligned down your chest.
- Don’t place your face in one of the jacket arms and pretend you’re an elephant.
- Do place your jacket casually over one shoulder if you are warm.
- Don’t use your erect penis as a coat hook.
- Do offer your jacket to those less jacketed.
- Don’t attempt to wear a jacket already inhabited.
- Do match your jacket to the weather and social setting.
- Don’t literally match your jacket to the weather or social setting. Jackets made of snow are horrible in the winter, and jackets made out of your social peers are frowned upon by the law.
- Do wear a stylish blazer when out on a date.
- Don’t force your date to photograph you so that you can upload your look to Instagram.
- Do store your jackets on high-quality hangers.
- Don’t use your jackets as bathmats when not in use.
- Do expect your jackets to keep your warmer and/or dryer than you would otherwise be.
- Don’t expect your jackets to make your more invisible and/or bullet proof than you would otherwise be.
- Do buy a trench coat so that you can stay dry when dressed formally.
- Don’t buy a trench coat so that you can show women your cock.
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